zoo babylon
by veronique2
Summary: Harry Potter and friends accidentally end up in Babylon and a broken wand causes some interesting transformations...


Title: Zoo Babylon  
  
Author: Tazzzkitty and Vero  
  
Fandom: QAF  
  
Pairing: B/M  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Archive Permission: ATP and Always, all others ask first  
  
Feedback Sent To: tazackitty@hotmail.com  
  
Status: New, Complete  
  
Category: COMEDY  
  
Disclaimers: Queer As Folk the series, characters and concepts are  
  
the property, copyright and trademark of Cowlip and Showtime. No  
  
ownership is claimed by the author, this work is nonprofit,  
  
noncommercial and not for sale for commercial purposes. Characters  
  
and situations not specifically owned by the creators of QAF or under  
  
copyright, are the sole copyright of the author.  
  
Spoilers: General through all episodes aired.  
  
Summary: Harry Potter and friends accidentally end up in Babylon and  
  
a broken wand causes some interesting transformations...  
  
Notes: A live chat round robin with Tazzzkitty and Vero. Each authors  
  
part is labeled with their names.  
  
Warnings: None  
Vero:  
  
Like every Saturday night, Babylon was full and all the gang was  
  
there, even Debbie and Uncle Vic, Lindsay and Melanie too.  
  
Brian was getting a blowjob by an anonymous trick in the backroom.  
  
Michael was dancing with Ben. Justin had an argument with Ethan and  
  
wanted to join Brian. Ted and Emmett were talking with Debbie and  
  
Vic. Lindsay and Melanie were dancing too.  
  
They were too busy to notice some people who didn't have to be there  
  
in the corner. At least 3 kids... almost 15 years old.  
  
"Oh my god... where are we?" said Hermione.  
  
"It's your fault Ron!! I told you it wasn't the good spell," said  
  
Harry.  
  
"We need to get out of here quickly," said Hermione.  
  
"Sure," nodded Harry.  
  
"Okay," said Ron but when he tried to use his magic wand he was  
  
pushed by a man who was dancing and he lost his wand on the floor.  
  
Ron and Harry tried to pick it up but another man walked on it and  
  
the wand broke.  
  
"Oh no," said Harry.  
  
"Ron... you are the only one to have your wand!!"  
  
Ron was embarrassed. "I will try though..."  
  
Then Ron said a spell with his broken magic wand... and after they  
  
froze... "Oh my god," said Hermione.  
  
"Try again... we have to go back to school and come back here to fix  
  
that," said Harry.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Ron tried again and this time it worked and they disappeared...at the  
  
same time music was still playing in Babylon but the crowd was  
  
different...  
  
Tazzz:  
  
Everyone in Babylon stopped dancing, most because of shock, but some  
  
because it became impossible for them to dance anymore.  
  
It's hard to dance when you have no legs, like Melanie, who suddenly  
  
found herself lying on the floor. In front of her was a small furry  
  
creature which she was certain was a ferret. What the hell was a  
  
ferret doing in Babylon? Melanie turned her head and stuck her  
  
tongue out. She smelled other animals near her too. Wait. She  
  
smelled them? With her tongue?  
  
"What the hell isss going on?" Melanie asked, and was surprised to  
  
find her voice very lispy.  
  
"Mel?" the ferret asked, it's little eyes wide open.  
  
"Lindssss?" Melanie asked.  
  
"Why are you a snake?" Lindsay asked.   
  
"Why are you a ferret?" Melanie asked.   
  
"Maybe Brian slipped something into our drinks," Lindsay suggested,  
  
trying to think of some rational reason for what was happening.  
  
"Are you fucking ssstupid?" Melanie asked, beginning to get  
  
mad. "Drugsss don't turn you into animalsss. And in cassse you  
  
haven't notisssed everyone elssse isss an animal too." Melanie tried  
  
to gesture to the other "people" in the club, but she didn't have any  
  
arms to gesture with.  
  
Melanie and Lindsay just looked around the club in shock and then  
  
back at each other. They were speechless.  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the club, Michael became very  
  
frightened when he suddenly saw a giant bear in front of him.   
  
He turned and ran away on his four legs as fast as he could. Wait.   
  
Four legs? Why the hell did he have four legs? Michael stopped,  
  
confused, and looked down at his legs. They were covered in black  
  
fur.  
  
He looked around and noticed other various animals in the club too.   
  
He didn't know what the hell was going on. So he tucked his tail  
  
between his legs and took off running for the backroom where he knew  
  
Brian was.   
  
He was running too fast and was awkward on his four legs and he  
  
suddenly ran straight into a chicken headed for the backroom too.  
  
"Hey!" Michael yelled. "Watch where you're going... um, chicken?"  
  
"Michael?" said the chicken.  
  
"Justin?" said Michael. "What the fuck is going on?"  
  
"Fuck if I know," said Justin the chicken, bobbing his head up and  
  
down.  
  
"I was just going to find Brian," said Michael.  
  
"Me too," said Justin.  
  
"When aren't you?" Michael mumbled and he padded off into the  
  
backroom.  
  
"Brian!" Michael yelled.  
  
Michael was surprised when a red fox came running up to him and  
  
licked his face. He almost ran away but then the fox  
  
talked. "Mikey, thank god I found you."  
  
"Brian?" Michael asked, nuzzling the fox's head with his.  
  
"Yes, it's me. Thank god. For a minute there, I thought I had taken  
  
too much of that shit that Tommy sold me."  
  
"I almost wish you had," Michael said. "It would make more sense  
  
than what is actually happening."  
  
"Wait," said Justin. "How come you guys are a dog and a fox and I'm  
  
a chicken?"  
  
Michael and Brian looked at Justin and then at each other and then  
  
they both started laughing.   
  
"Justin?" Brian said, once his laughter died down.   
  
"Yeah," said Justin, upset at their laughter. He certainly didn't  
  
find it funny to be a chicken.  
  
Brian just shook his furry head and looked at Michael again. "Let's  
  
go find the others. Maybe someone will know what is going on."  
  
So the fox and the dog trotted away out of the backroom and the  
  
chicken waddled after them, trying to stay balanced on his two skinny  
  
legs.  
  
"Ma!" Michael yelled once they got out of the backroom. "Uncle Vic!"  
  
"Emmett! Ted!" Brian yelled.  
  
"Ethan!" Justin squawked.  
  
Suddenly a red parrot came swooping down at them, followed by an owl.  
  
Michael and Brian ducked, crouching to the floor as the parrot and  
  
owl landed in front of them.   
  
Justin tried to duck, but lost his balance and fell down on his  
  
butt.   
  
"I hate being a chicken!" he yelled.  
  
"Michael?" the parrot said.  
  
"Ma?" said Michael. He looked at Brian and turned his dog lips into  
  
a smile the best he could. Brian smiled back.  
  
"Yeah, it's me," she said. "And this is Vic." She gestured to the  
  
owl with her wing.  
  
"Where are Ted and Emmett?" Michael asked.   
  
"They're over at the bar," Vic said. "They would have come over  
  
here, but I think it would have taken Ted an hour to make the trip."  
  
"What?" Michael asked.  
  
"He's a turtle," said Debbie.  
  
Brian and Michael started laughing again.  
  
Justin finally found his way back to his feet and joined them. "I'm  
  
so glad you guys are having a good time with this," he said, trying  
  
to sound as sarcastic as a chicken can.  
  
"Justin!" a voice rang out over the crowd.  
  
"Ethan?" yelled Justin.  
  
"Justin!" they heard, closer.   
  
And then they smelled it... weak at first and then stronger and  
  
stronger...  
  
A skunk pushed his way through the crowd and ran up the fox, dog,  
  
chicken, parrot and owl, who immediately took several steps back.  
  
"What?" Ethan asked.  
  
"You smell!" Michael said. "Did you have to spray yourself?"  
  
"Well, I got scared!" Ethan said, sounding ashamed.  
  
"Well, why don't you find somewhere to be scared by yourself?" Brian  
  
asked.  
  
Ethan sagged his head and turned to walk away.   
  
"And why don't you take this chicken with you?" said Brian, nudging  
  
Justin with his head, causing him to fall over again, on his face  
  
this time.  
  
The fox, dog, parrot and owl started laughing, looking at the chicken  
  
lying on the floor.  
  
Justin got up and toddled towards Ethan figuring it was better to  
  
smell something bad than to get laughed at and pushed around.  
  
"Okay, let's go see Ted and Emmett then," said Michael. "Where are  
  
they exactly?"  
  
"Just head towards the big colorful bird over there," said Vic,  
  
gesturing with his wing. "That's Emmett."  
  
Brian and Michael looked.   
  
"Emmett's a peacock?" Brian asked. "I should have guessed." He  
  
looked at Michael. "Race ya?" he asked and without answering Michael  
  
took off running with Brian hot on his tail.  
  
Michael ran as fast as he could towards the peacock, but failed to  
  
realize that it's hard to stop on a slippery floor with padded feet.   
  
He skidded straight into Ted and fell over top of him.  
  
"Thanks," Ted grumbled.  
  
Michael just laughed and got up and shook himself off.  
  
"It's sort of fun to be a dog," Michael said.   
  
"Why do I have to be a turtle?" Ted asked. "Am I really that boring?"  
  
Brian and Michael looked at each other and decided not to answer that  
  
question.   
  
"I like being a peacock," said Emmett, fluffing his feathers out for  
  
everyone to see.  
  
"Good for you," said Ted, but he didn't sound happy. "Does anyone  
  
have a clue what is going on?" Ted asked.  
  
"Nope," said Michael. "We were hoping you would know."  
  
"How the hell would I know?" Ted asked. He sure was a grumpy turtle.  
  
"Michael?" Ben asked. Michael turned around to find Ben and was  
  
surprised to see the giant bear right behind him.  
  
He backed up into Brian. "Ben?" Michael said.  
  
"Yes!" Ben said and he stepped closer. "Thank god I found you guys!"  
  
"Whoa, watch where you're stepping big guy!" yelled Ted, backing up  
  
as fast as he could, which wasn't very fast.  
  
"Oh, sorry," said Ben. "Come here, Michael," he said, looking down  
  
at Michael.  
  
"Um, no thanks," Michael said, preferring to not get squished by the  
  
giant bear. He snuggled closer to Brian.   
  
Debbie and Vic flew back over to them. "Guess who we found?" Debbie  
  
said.   
  
A snake slithered up to them, followed by a ferret.  
  
"Oh wait, let me guess," said Brian. "Melanie and Lindsay."  
  
He smiled and nudged Michael with his head.   
  
"Ssssoooo sssssmart," lisped Melanie.  
  
Brian and Michael fell to the floor laughing and rolling around  
  
together.   
  
Suddenly a bright light appeared in the middle of the room and a loud  
  
bang caused all the animals to jump. They all turned and saw an old  
  
wizard with long white hair. Next to him was standing three teenaged  
  
kids, two boys and a girl.  
  
Vero:  
  
"What the hell?" said Brian.  
  
Dumbledorf frowned his eyes... "Oh my god!! We need to fix that right  
  
now!"  
  
He looked at Ron. "So now with your new magic wand you will do the  
  
spell that I taught you. slowly and calmly. And then you, Harry, at  
  
the same time you will do a spell for all the people to not remember  
  
anything."  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
"What am I supposed to do?" asked Hermione.  
  
"Be ready in case something wrong happens."  
  
And Ron and Harry told their spell and all the animals turned back  
  
into humans.  
  
Dumbledorf was happy but suddenly he froze. "God! It's a gay club..."  
  
"I will give the address to Rogue," he thought.  
  
So Dumbledorf and the kids disappeared just as he said, "Now we have  
  
a serious discussion to have about it kids."  
  
Everybody in the crowd forgot about what happened but Brian and  
  
Michael and the gang were surprised to be all together.  
  
The next day, when Ethan cooked chicken for Justin, the young blond  
  
refused to eat the meal. Ethan didn't understand why. Justin was so  
  
mad at him for doing that and even Justin didn't know why he was  
  
reacting like that.  
  
Then Ethan was angry too because Justin asked him twice if he took a  
  
shower this morning and he was annoyed because he didn't smell  
  
anything. and they got mad to each other  
  
In Michael's apartment things weren't okay between Ben and Michael  
  
either. Michael was scared each time Ben wanted to approach him.  
  
Then the phone rang and a panicked Brian was on the phone.  
  
"Come here right now Mikey," ordered Brian.  
  
Michael, who was worried, ran to Brian's loft and he saw Brian's face  
  
that was pale.  
  
"What happened?" asked Michael.  
  
"It was horrible... I had the urge to rent this movie..."  
  
"What movie?"  
  
"The Fox and the Hound"  
  
"You rented a Disney movie?"  
  
"Mikey... I don't want this to happened to us."  
  
"What?"  
  
"At the end, the fox and the dog who are best friends have to live  
  
their lives on their own and separate... it's silly but I felt like  
  
it was us..."  
  
"Oh my god... I remember that story. it won't happen to us Brian...  
  
you are not a fox and I'm not a dog."  
  
"But..."  
  
"And even if we were it's our own story and our own choice... it  
  
doesn't mean that we have to separate. and..."  
  
"And?"  
  
"The fox and the dog were just best friends... they don't. I mean...  
  
they weren't... it was for children... god... you understand what I  
  
mean?"  
  
"Gay?"  
  
Michael rolled his eyes.  
  
But Brian suddenly kissed him on the lips deeply and said, "I know...  
  
they didn't do that, they didn't share exactly the same special best  
  
friend relationship we have."  
  
Michael smiled. "Yeah... it's up to us."  
  
"Yes, always have, always will."  
  
The two best friends smiled at each other.  
  
"You staying here for lunch? I cooked chicken," said Brian.  
  
"Oh yes, great idea."  
  
THE END 


End file.
